Robots in Disguise

Turn Your Oughts into Shalls, Man

A few days ago I woke up from a dream laughing.

In the dream I was sitting at a dinner table with God and an invented daughter of God. God's daughter was talking about an essay she had written.
"Yeah, it wasn't really that good-- there were lots of oversights in it," she said.
Then God interjected, "But honey, tell him about how good the essay was when you were finished working on it."
God's daughter sighed. "Well, in the end the essay was perfect. Because my dad has magical powers and he edited it for me."

But I Needed to Look Down

Dear Large Hadron Collider,

How are you? Excited, I’m sure, to be turned on late Tuesday night. I think that’s great. I think it’s great that they’re going to put you into action and that you might help us to know more of the secrets of the universe (like what dark matter is, whether there are other dimensions, and what the validity to the big bang theory is). I’m excited to know more about those things too.

I do have a concern though. It has been acknowledged that you have the potential to create black holes. Some scientists say that those black holes will not plausibly have the substantiality to survive. The black holes, they say, will flicker in and out like a candle’s flame. Other scientists, however, are worried that the black holes you create will swallow the earth, the universe, and everyone I know with them.

So that’s why I’m writing to you—I was wondering if there’s any way possible that you could make sure you don’t do the thing those second scientists think you’re going to. The reason being that I’m in love with the world right now and I think if you give it the chance it will show you some amazing things in the next decades. We’re in the middle of an election, LHC, and America is about to get the chance to redeem itself. Give it that chance. What happened in 2004 seemed like a vote for insanity (if you define insanity as the repetition of something that’s not working). Give us humans the chance to vote for change.

I’m in the middle of discovering what I want to do with my life, LHC, and it’s really exciting to me. I’m finding out that I’m passionate about playwriting and about making children’s books and about improvisation. I would hate it if you made us go to sleep early before I get a chance to write any of my picture books or plays or get to do any really good scenes.

I’m having so much fun with my friends, LHC, and I even feel like I was called to Chapel Hill so that I could meet these people. Don’t you think it would be more beautiful to make a vote for the idea of destiny. If you don’t blow us up then we’ll all know that our friendships really were meant to be (instead of designating them pointless due to brevity).

I love my family, LHC, and though I used to think the best way for us to go would be together, I can no longer really stand the idea of any of us going at all. I’m not done playing scrabble with my mom. I’m not done staying up late talking with my dad. And I’m not done getting beaten by my sister Sandy in Wii Tennis.

Finally, I’d really like to see what it’s like to spend the rest of my life with a girl I’m in love with, LHC. I’d really like to find out how I end up proposing to her and know what our children are like and get to see what our old person hands look like holding each other. Do we get to have a dog or a cat? Where do our children go to school? I want to find these things out someday very very badly.

So you do what you have to LHC, but please remember, if you refrain from ending everything for everyone I’ll owe you a really really big one.

Love,

Ben Greene (Human and Student)

How Much Do You Already Know About Forty-Second Street?

I recently discovered how the predictive text function on my cell phone works. I used to misunderstand it. I would try to use it and spell "Medannt" when I meant to spell "Meant". That's cause I was still pressing the 3 button twice for E, instead of once, understanding that my phone could predict what my word would be.

Now that I know how to work it, I'm digging the words I get to watch form on my way towards the word I want. The phone doesn't know until the "T" in "Mustache" that I'm not spelling "Our." If I went to tell someone my computer has "Crashed", the phone considers the possibility that my computer has "Bra" and "Asap"ed before it figures out what I really want.

My favorite so far: It's impossible to text the word "Infinity" without "God" showing up first.

And Don't Call Me Shirley, Airplane

Our improv group made it into the Del Close Marathon at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre! Click on our noseless faces for the very exciting details.

Never Get So Attached to a Poem You Forget Truth, It Lacks Lyricism

"The Carrboro government does not sanction the distribution of food at this event. Do not sue them or expect them to share food with you. Eat at your own risk. Be governed at your own risk."
-A sign at Carrboro's Really Free Market

Some Come to Stare, Some to Stay

UNcalled For

The next Nikita Krushchev

Nothing Ever Happened Underground

"A child said it and it seemed true, things that are lost are all equal, but it isn't true."
-Marvin Bell

Once Outside, the Brightness Blinded Her

I think if you play your cards right life can be a process of becoming less and less embarrassed by yourself.

Earlier today I sorted through the archives of this blog and erased the entries that make me uncomfortable. Some were badly written, others vain. A few neglected this blog’s public nature. I’ve saved the entries on my computer, allowing them to remain private (rather than public) reminders of how lame I’ve sometimes been.

It's The Holidays, We Can Order Anything

Shame

My roommates are drunks. Angry drunks.

When Suddenly There Came a Knocking At Their Door

A little while ago I announced the establishment of my dad’s blog, bensdads.blogspot.com. The blogging community rejoiced. ‘Finally,” they exclaimed, “a companion blog to the always entertaining anotherkindofblue.blogspot.com” (Sarah’s dad’s blog). But, after two weeks of active posting it seemed that my dad had grown tired of the site.

He hadn’t. In the last month he has (until now, secretly) posted thrice! Go ahead check for yourselves: bensdads.blogspot.com. Revamped and Revitalized. READ!!

What More Is Tomorrow Than Another Day

This is my family. They're what keeps me coming back to New York.